As a generation, we are very smart when it comes to studies, electronics and going after our goals in order to make a difference, but I can’t help but notice that we lack basic relationship skills, or even better, many don’t really understand what being in a relationship means. The term relationship often scares many people because of the commitment that is involved, as well as the fact that it has a great standpoint socially if you are in one or not. Everyone wants to be loved and cared for but at what price? Giving up your friends completely? 20 questioning everything about what your partner may be doing? Driving yourself crazy and ultimately being unhappy, but staying with this person because you don’t want to be alone? It is time that you take a look at the grander picture. Yes, for most these things come with age, but I notice people of all ages going through the same things and I cant take it anymore.
I have written a post already on being in a healthy or non-healthy relationship so I will steer away from these topics and broaden the view a little more. The hypocrisy these days are astounding to me. You see people writing and complain on social media about how they want to find a good person, one who wont cheat and that will actually care for and love them the way they’ve always dreamed of. Yet, when they get this person, they cheat and manipulate them to no end. Yes the saying “You always want what you can’t have” is very true, but why ruin it once you have it? If this is how you want to be treated, why is it fair for you to treat them badly? A relationship involves teamwork. You have to work together and help each other to become better, not tear each other down. And you cannot expect to be given the world, if you cannot reciprocate.
The question that I have been seeing on Facebook lately is “Do you allow your boyfriend/girlfriend to have friends of the opposite sex?” followed by several different comments from “nope. I’m not leaving that door open for them to cheat.” to “If they were friends before we were together it’s okay, but no new friends!” and honestly, I can’t help but laugh. If you are with this person, a key component to making a relationship work is trust; by trying to limit who they can and cannot be around is a major alarm that trust doesn’t exist. This is the part where people usually say ‘I trust him/her, but I don’t trust other people” but think about it, if you trust him/her, then do you really think they would let someone else come in and ruin your relationship that quickly? Or better yet, IF they did end up leaving you for a friend of theirs, then were they ever really yours to begin with?
Something I hear a lot from people in relationships is: “I’m trying to make him/her happy”, “I’m trying to make this work”, but why should you be trying? Why should you alter your way of life completely to benefit this one person to the point of exhaustion? Relationships aren’t supposed to be difficult, despite what Hollywood wants you to believe. This is your person to relax with, escape the stressful world and have fun together, not constantly trying to change the other to be someone they’re not. If you truly love this person, then you love who they are and you guys get each other, why try to limit them in any area of life? This is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with right? So, instead of trying to control them, grow with them, share your thoughts and worries and if you are meant to be then this person will listen and your relationship will only grow that much stronger.
Ultimately, the biggest problem with relationships today is the amount of insecurity that individuals have. People really think that trying to control one another is the way to a long-lasting and healthy relationship, but what they fail to see is that regardless how much you try to control the situation, one of two things are ultimately going to happen: 1. They will sneak around anyway, because no one likes to be told what they can and cannot do, especially in a relationship where there are plenty of other people out there. And 2. They will ultimately do what they want regardless what you try to force upon them. It’s similar to taking a wild animal and trying to cage it. Although many people cannot be compared to a wild animal, but the idea of limiting someone from being able to reach their full potential, or preventing someone from being true to themselves is ridiculous.
If you want the relationship you’ve always dreamed of, you have to let go of the stereotypes, the “men are dogs” and “women are sluts” phrases that are all too common now-a-days. You have to give what you want to receive. You have to stop thinking that everyone is the same, despite what your past experiences have shown you. But most importantly, you have to be patient, do not try to force love upon yourself or anyone else… If you are really meant to be, then life with this person will be simple, full of respect for one another and a complete understanding of how you both operate. Your King or Queen will come someday, but until then, focus on being the best you that you can possibly be, so that when they do enter your life, you can build your kingdom together.