A friend wrote to me about her breakup with her boyfriend. The breakup was mutual between the two of them but she asked me why she still cannot seem to let it go and to just move on. Which really got me thinking, everyone has been in a relationship that at some point or another, for whatever reason, has ended. The initial days following that breakup for most are spent crying, overthinking and playing the “what if” card over and over again. It’s very rare that someone can just completely let go of this person and continues on with his or her lives, but why? It is understandable to feel upset, after all, this person was a major part of your life for sometime, but it had to end for a reason right? There was something within your relationship that was off enough to tip you over the edge. Although you loved or deeply cared for this person, doesn’t mean they were the right one for you, and it certainly doesn’t mean that the right one isn’t still out there! So why is letting go and moving on so hard?
Well for starters there’s comfortability. You have grown together in this life that you built with each other and you have created a comfortable environment for yourself. You have someone who you can talk to daily about your life and the things that are going on within it and this person understands you because they know you inside and out. You are comfortable with your day-to-day life and knowing that you have someone to go home to when the day is done. It is an amazing feeling I will admit, but when it ends, why cant we just readjust ourselves back to how it was before? Easily put, because we’re not that same person, and everything takes time to process and understand. But in a relationship, you should be able to be comfortable while you are on your own. Your partner should be an added bonus to this but they shouldn’t be all of it. Before committing to a relationship, make sure you are in a good place with yourself and that you know who you are fully. By being fully aware of who you are and knowing that you can be okay on your own, you are saving yourself a lot of heartbreak.
When anything goes wrong in our lives, or maybe not exactly to plan, we tend to overthink every single detail to the point of craziness. When a relationship ends, our mind automatically tries to process everything out for us, but usually we go in wayyyy to deep. We begin to question ourselves, if we made the right decision, or if there is anything that we can do to get them back. We then go to blaming ourselves and picking out our every flaw that could have been a contributing factor. Not only then are we tearing our entire egos down, but also we convince ourselves that we are not good enough because if this person doesn’t want you, then why would anyone else? We then jump to the “how can I fix it” stage. You ponder about the things your ex said bothered them and begin to come up with a plan to change yourself so that you can make it better. But if you are in a relationship, and you are fully yourself, why should you have to change who you are in order to keep them? If this person doesn’t see the true beauty behind the real you is this person really worth it? Do you plan on spending the rest of your life constantly changing who you are in order to make this person happy? Overthinking sucks, and yes you want answers, but if your relationship has ended there is a good reason for that. Your mind will always create problems or solutions that aren’t really there or that don’t need to be solved. As hard as it is, you have to convince yourself that things do happen, and they happen for a reason. Letting your mind race will only hold you back, and keep you from becoming the person you were destined to be.
This last one is the one I hear the most, and to sum it up it’s the fear of not knowing. Not knowing if or when you will meet someone else. Not knowing if this person will act the same as the last, or if you will be good enough for them. Not knowing where your life is going to go from this point on and if you will be able to conform to it. But you know what, not knowing is the best part! You are now able to do WHATEVER you want with no strings attached. You can work on yourself and becoming the person you have always wanted to be. So what if you aren’t in a relationship, the right person will come eventually, and trust me it will be well worth it when they do. You don’t need the relationship label to be considered successful and you certainly don’t need it in order to be happy. Live for yourself and enjoy every moment in the now.
At the end of the day, in a relationship or not, you have to do what is ultimately best for you and your life. 1 year or 10 years doesn’t really make a difference. Tell yourself that everything will be okay, take a deep breath and let it all go. You will become that much stronger as an individual and I promise your future self will thank you.
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